6 Realizations of Adult Life in Paris

I've officially been living in Paris for 1 month now, so I figured it's time for a little update! (Inspired by my best friend Noah's blogpost about moving to Japan) These are more-or-less incoherent thoughts I've gathered:

1. Joys and challenges of living alone

   Remembering to pay rent on the 1st of every month, learning how to cook meat, and little logistical tasks like bank accounts and phone plans remind me that I am now an adult. For my entire life, I've lived under the shelter of and with other people; whether with my parents, or with 8 suitemates in college. Now, I come back to my apartment and it is SO QUIET! I could go an entire day without talking to someone if I wanted to.

   
   

   It helps that I share my apartment with 1 roommate (a friend doing Fulbright), but at least for the 1st 3 weeks when she hadn't yet moved in, I was really noticing the quietness in every corner. Nowadays, I'm learning to enjoy alone time in the apartment without the need to always be talking to someone, but it definitely took time. I think packing my day with social activities made me tired and satisfied enough that I can now just sit in my bed and relax for a bit without feeling "unproductive". I've also been teaching myself how to cook, which is an immediate, rewarding way to experience the fruits of your labor.

   
   

2. Adult friendships require intentionality

   I would consider myself a very social, extroverted person, but maintaining a social life as an adult takes an entirely new level of effort that nobody really prepares you for. As a student, I had friendships "baked in" to the academic system, whether it be through pre-assigned roommates, clubs, classes, and in general, living within a 5-minutes walk to any friend. It was nearly impossible for me to not talk to someone at Yale.

   
   

   But now that I'm on my own, I have to actively remember to be social and make friends. To clarify; my research project is NOT a Master's degree, nor is it a "program"; therefore I do not have a cohort, it's literally JUST ME doing research and then whatever advisors I might talk to for advice or interviews.

   
   

   One thing that's really helped is Meetup - it's totally free, and you can join as many groups as you want. In order to combat my onsetting loneliness in a new city, I've committed myself to Monday night Brazilian dance class, Tuesday evening running along the Seine, Wednesday artist's bistro, Saturday afternoon offline puzzle parties, and weekend boat rooftop aperos at sunset. Ironically, it kind of reminds me of my freshman year at Yale, where I joined 20 clubs to make friends and "maximize my time".

   
   

   Even if I don't rely on Meetup much anymore, it was a great introduction to the social scene in Paris. Now, I've realized that social plans can also come spontaneously - like being approached by French people on the street, or sitting at chef's counters at bars! All it really takes is meeting the first 5 friends, and then the rest comes naturally.

   
   

3. Being in a big, relevant, desirable city is a game-changer

   I come from Lincoln, Nebraska (no hate), so living in Paris feels like a HUGE step up in terms of relevancy. I no longer have to explain where I am geographically, what is there, why I'm there, etc. Finally, I live somewhere that people actually want to come visit me in! After only 1 month here, I already have 7 separate friends who have booked their flights to come hang out for a week. Truly amazing. This has taught me that, in the future, I need to live in a big city or a touristic destination, otherwise I'd never see my friends again if I settle in a place like Lincoln (no hate).

   
   

   Visitors aside, there are also SO MANY EVENTS in Paris that I don't have enough time to attend all of them! Whereas in Lincoln, I was desperately searching for "things to do" every day. Here, I've already bought tickets to 5 major concerts, European Patrimonial days were opening up museums and government buildings to the public, the Pope is coming this weekend, I have a plan to volunteer for Fashion Week, I attended the top international tourism conference in France, and not to mention all the art fairs and trade shows and holiday celebrations. Boredom would be a choice in Paris.

   
   

4. Reviving my academic passions & finding self-motivation

   A bit more about my independent research project: I double-majored in Global Affairs and Art/Design, so I've always been interested in something at the intersection of these 2 areas (rather than one or the other). My project examines how art and fashion contribute to Paris's success as the world's #1 tourism destination, thus creating soft power for France. In particular, I'm also evaluating the economic development impacts and brainstorming better ways to channel tourism revenue into preserving local art/culture/heritage.

   
   

   Unlike a senior thesis, there's nobody pushing me. I also felt incredibly burnt out during my last year at Yale. But as of now, I've been doing great at staying on track with my project. Back when I applied for funding, I submitted a monthly timeline of goals, which has been very helpful - I've added to it in extreme detail, and setting my goals as "monthly" allows me to distribute the tasks however I want. One week I might work more on my project, and then the 2nd week I might do less if I have a friend visiting. But as long as I get things done each month, I feel accomplished. On this note; if you have any thoughts about my topic or are curious to learn more; PLEASE REACH OUT TO ME! Any and all peer ideas/critique is helpful.

   
   

5. Language immersion is key

   When I first arrived, I was terrified of speaking French. I know, it sounds stupid, right? I've studied French for 7 years, got a FRENCH CERTIFICATE AT YALE, and I'm afraid of speaking it? I don't have this fear with Spanish or Russian or other languages that I barely know but would like to learn. But I think because French is very important to me, I had this pressure to be really good at it. And everyone knows the stereotype that French people (especially Parisians) hate foreigners and will just respond to you in English. In their defense, that's never happened to me even when I was worse at French, but I was still scared when I arrived.

   
   

   Anyways, I was pleasantly surprised to find that the French have been SO WELCOMING AND KIND?? On my 1st day, when I looked like shit from the airport and was clearly giving "tourist" with my 50-pound suitcase, everybody still said "Bonjour!" and smiled and helped me with my bags. With this newfound encouragement, I made it my goal to ONLY SPEAK FRENCH (especially since my American roommate had not yet moved in). Even within the first 3 days, my French approved astronomically. I've even found that when I encounter an American, my brain stumbles a little bit trying to switch from French back into English just because I hadn't spoken English in many days, which I think is a good sign. I even dream in French sometimes.

   
   

   I've been asking my French friends to "rate my French on a scale of 1-10", and most people say between 7-8, which probably means it's actually like a 6-7, but I'm pretty happy with that.

   
   

6. Frustratingly, I'm still stressed about the future?

   I am living my dream life right now. I have enough money from my Yale scholarship to study art, fashion, and tourism development in my favorite city in the entire world until June 2027! And yet, I can't help but worry. I worry about money and getting a job that I like and finding a way to stay in Paris. Mostly, I worry about my visa; which expires in August 2027. In order to stay, I either need to find an incredibly high-paying remote job so I can afford to spend $1,500 every year on visa fees etc, or I need to find a job in France that will sponsor my work visa (and nobody likes hiring foreigners, we know that). These are things that I think about every day. I always want more, and I want it desperately.

   
   

   As of now, I can't say I have a solution for this long-term life question, but I did get a piece of advice from Edmund Zheng (a very inspirational Yale grad) that planning your life 1 year in advance is a CRAZY, psychotic thing that is not normal for most adults who haven't been incubated in the pressure cooker that is Yale. I am slowly learning to accept the fact that I have no idea what will happen after Paris, but I have to trust myself and the universe that something will work out - whether that be in Paris or elsewhere, or elsewhere and eventually back to Paris. I've gotten myself this far, so why stop now?