Reflections: Home Is Not a Place

I've always found "home" to be a fascinating concept. Most people have one, some people have multiple, and others have none at all. Everybody's looks different, but there is a clear divider between "home" and "not-home". I first started thinking about it in high school, when I had to write a personal essay for English class and was forced to reflect deeply about my past life.

For my English essay, I wrote about switching schools back and forth between Lincoln, Nebraska and Anshan, China, and the similarities and differences between rural Nebraskan sunsets and pre-industrial Chinese towns. I talked about the meaning of my Chinese name vs. the meaning of my English name, and whether I embodied any of those definitions at all. Eventually, I came to the conclusion that "home" is not actually a place, but a feeling I carry with me wherever I go. In that sense, I'm always "home". This eventually grew into my Common App essay.

Super cheesy and cringe, right? But I guess it was good enough for Yale.

Depending on who's asking, I tell people different things when asked "where are you from?" If I want to impress them, I'll say I was born in California, attended elementary school in China, moved to Nebraska, then went to university in Connecticut. If you're a foreigner from a Global North country, I'll say I'm from somewhere between New York and Boston. If you're a foreigner who's not from the Global North, I'll just say I'm from China because that's where the conversation usually lands anyways. But all of that complicated fluff aside, the truth is, I'm mostly just a girl from Lincoln, Nebraska.

So, how does a girl from Lincoln, Nebraska end up becoming a world traveler? Are these 2 things related? I don't know, probably. People have said it to me so much that I've rationalized it in my head—"small town Midwestern girl yearns to explore so she becomes a crazy backpacker in college."

I grew up loving Lincoln: it was peaceful, safe, quiet, affordable, and had that twinge of Midwestern kindness. But somewhere between middle school and high school, I began hating where I was from. Why was it so boring? Why am I always hanging out in Walmart parking lots? Why are there no other Asian people? Why did it take 9 hours to drive to the nearest big city (Chicago or Denver)? Why can't we have an international airport?

The urge to go as far away as possible for college grew stronger, so much that I wasn't even sad at my high school graduation. Contrary to many of my classmates, I felt absolutely no nerves or imposter syndrome when I moved into Yale as a freshman, because I had been "ready" to leave Nebraska for years at that point.

Yale was my magical fresh start. During my first 2 years in college, I hated coming home. Being on the East Coast meant that I finally had instant access to the entire world at my fingertips (via JFK airport). So, I only went home once a year, and only for 1 week.

My excuse was that "it's far, expensive, and there are no direct flights". While all of that is true, I mostly felt like there was nothing for me back in Lincoln, Nebraska. I had changed so much in college and grown apart from high school friends. It was like pressing "play" on a TV show that had long been paused. And besides, why would I spend $500 to go to a flyover state like Nebraska when I could easily take a 2-hour direct flight to Bermuda for half that price?

In 2024, I didn't go home at all.

But then something changed. I think most of it was travel burnout. After essentially living out of a backpack for years, going home for 10 days at the end of junior spring was the most wonderful thing that could've happened to me. I loved sitting in my beautiful house, going on walks with my parents, eating home-cooked meals, playing piano, and doing absolutely nothing besides chatting on the floor with the same 2 friends. This restful break reminded me that after all that time, Lincoln, Nebraska still did feel like home.

Fast forward to now, August 2026.

All of my classmates have gone on their fabulous post-grad adventures abroad, while I have spent the past 2 months in my house, re-living what is essentially a "4 years later" version of the summer after high school. I sleep in as I please, I work a few hours of my remote job if I wish, I scrounge up some lunch while my parents are at work, and I spend evenings watching Harry Potter and doing puzzles with the same 2 friends. My validation for this "bum period" is that I'll be leaving soon to embark on my big Paris journey. But also, I think I really needed this time to just feel like a kid again, without the worries of the adult world such as taxes, paying rent, immigration visa, and so on.

I've recently rediscovered my love for my bedroom. The teal walls are a cringey shade picked by middle school me, but the years of memories collecting dust on my shelf are packed with beloved stories. I've been re-reading my childhood books, playing with various trinkets friends have gifted me, opening my box of birthday cards, hanging up my keychain collection, and adding some decor from my college dorm.

Being stationary in my house for 2 months has also taught me that I do get quite attached to some things, more than I'd like to admit. I love my old MacBook with its cracked pink case, faded stickers, 2016 background and huge neon pink cursor in a way that I'm not just attached to any laptop. I love my oversized flower-embroidered sweaters from Goodwill, even if I would never wear them anymore.

Even though I'm only supposed to be in Paris for 1 year, somehow, it feels like I will be leaving home for much longer. Who knows where I will be next year! Maybe I'll stick around in France, get a job elsewhere, go to China, travel the world, who knows. But one thing is for certain: I will not be coming back to Lincoln, Nebraska for a permanent post. As much as I would love to just sit at home, that would be "unemployment". And besides, I still have bigger dreams to live out!

So, to Lincoln, Nebraska: this is my goodbye. You will always be my "home". Going forward, I will proudly tell people that I am from Lincoln, Nebraska.